# You're a BoneHead if you:

"This section was inspired by my actual experiences while playing Quake on the net. If you apply to this list, you're an irritating, pain in my butt. Go play Duke Nukem!"

> - Crossdress. The new custom CTF has addressed this problem, by only applying shirt color changes to the shoulderpads and visors. But if you're on the blue team, don't use red colors and vise versa. It still sucks.

> - Pump your entire ammo supply into a teammate before you figure out that he's on your team.

> - Pump your entire ammo supply into a teammate and still can't figure out he's on your team.

> - Pump your entire ammo supply into a teammate and then accuse him of cheating.

> - Grapple your teammates. The custom CTF has solved this problem as well, but boneheads will try anyway.

> - Defend your base by continuously standing directly in front of, or in the line of fire of a teammate equipped with the Rocket Launcher.

> - Don't use messagemode2. Telling the entire world, "I have their key and I'm hiding in the secret room, what do I do?" is not very bright. Usually the enemy will respond to the "bonehead" with something like, "stay right there and we will come help you". Nuff said?

> - Accuse players of camping. Its a legitimate form of defense and overall strategy in CTF.

> - Accuse players of cheating because they are better than you. If they kick your butt, practice more.

> - Verbally abuse other players. Taunting in good fun is OK, but don't let it get out of hand. Let your teammates know when they are doing well, and it doesn't hurt to let an enemy who keeps smokin you know that you think he's a good player. He might be on your team the next time. Remember, its only a game. OK, its The Game.

> - Run around the map like a chicken with your head cut off, yelling "where's the red base?" or "how do you fly?". If you don't know the rules or don't know what the Grappling Hook is, go away and learn.

> - Get into a game of CTF and think you're in a "chat group". I don't need my screen filled with crap or my game lagged by boneheads trying to get someone to help them write an alias script or set up a Quake server on daddy's T1. Both of these examples actually happened just last night.

> - Are the primary arms/ammo supplier for the enemy. Mindlessly running into the enemy's base alone with 100 rockets, numerous weapons, no armor and 10 health is not only personal suicide, its team suicide.

> - If you do the above and actually think you might capture the flag.

> - Spend 30 seconds trying to get passed your oncoming teammate in a narrow passage who's "bringing home the bacon" with the enemy in hot pursuit, because your armor is at 199 and the 200 armor is just a little bit down the hall. Get out of the way!

> - If after doing the above, you tell your teammate to get out of your way next time.

> - When your choice for point-blank engagement is always the RL. Duh!

> - If you think "Maybe I'll try the RL with the Strength rune next time!"

> - If you leave a "popcorn trail" of pineapples while running forwards.

> - When you spend most of your time trying to ungrapple yourself from the walls or ceiling.

> - When you successfully ungrapple yourself only to fall into the lava.

> - If your name (bonehead) appears thirty times in a row on the screen, followed by: ...becomes bored with life, ...sucks it down, ...sleeps with the fishes, or ...visits the volcano god.

> - If you have a key bound to the message: "Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe hehehehehe", and use it twenty times in a row every time you frag someone.

> - If you are an LPB and find yourself on the bottom of the frag count against modem players.

> - If you've changed your name ten times because your favorite Quake server keeps kicking you off.

> - If you can't figure out why you're still listed as "unconnected" or "player".

> - If your name is "Suicide Boy" or "Exitman".

> - When you constantly complain about the lag. Live with it, or switch servers.

> - When you constantly complain about the lag, and then brag about how good your teammates look at 1024X768 res on your P90. Duh!

> - When you think the opportune time to go to the bathroom or raid the fridge is during the game. At least wait for the level change.

> - Can't seem to master the skill of ungrappling yourself from the ceiling, so you've bound a key to the suicide command.

From Chuck 'The Butcher' Grace

> - In the middle of a frag-fest, you and three other guys named "Viper" argue over who has the legal right to the name.

> - You spend most of your time trying to get a cyber-date with, or defending the honor of, "Hot Mama".

> - You're "Hot Mama" and constantly waste bandwidth reminding everyone to "be nice, a lady's playing".

"Play with any Boneheads lately? Let me know if they can find any new ways to irritate you! Just put "Bonehead" under subject in the Email. I'll post it and give ya the credit"

B_Hunter-Xeno