Crimson Pills of Sweet Serum
by Ricky Knight

March 1, 2002

     Jeff fidgeted as he awaited his first customer of the day. The afternoon sun shone brightly upon him, reflecting off his beautifully waxed apples. Yes, this was one lovely summer day. He was glad he had shade under his fruit stand, placed strategically on the corner of Zack and McKracken. This was quite a busy place, probably the busiest in the whole city. A slew of people plodded slowly by, and an endless stream of cars seemed to flow gently down the roads, emitting a crashing wave of honks, speech, skids, laughter, and mufflers. Jeff knew this was the perfect place to set up shop. "Apples! Apples for sale!" he shouted.

     After only a moments' worth of gazing at this wondrous scene, the scent of some foreign, exotic perfume wafted through Jeff's nostrils. He lowered his sunglasses to unveil the dark figure of a woman, eclipsed by the brightness of the sun. She had her purse on one arm, and a basket on the other, which she now filled with the delectable fruits. Jeff could not help but stare in wonderment as the silhouette dropped his final apple onto her heavy load. She set down her basket, looked up at him, and then sifted through her purse.

     "Th-thank you, ma'am, that'll be--" he began. She quickly slipped him a wad of crisp bills.

     "Keep the change," she muttered, as she lifted her fruits and walked off to his right. Jeff wasn't very good at math, but he could swear she gave him far too much money. He was considering giving her back some of it, when he noticed she had lost an apple. He picked it up, dusted it off, and set it back in his empty stand.

     "No use letting it go to waste." he thought aloud. He rubbed the sweat from his face with his apron, and then put his sunglasses back on. "Apple! Apple for sale!" he shouted.

     No sooner had Jeff began to look for a suitable customer when a shadow was cast upon his face. He peered upward to find a very large man blocking his view. This guy was monstrous, and not an ounce of fat on him. His sun bathed muscles bulged and glistened with sweat, and his tan hair rippled in the cool afternoon breeze. Our unwilling hero jumped back in fear. The handsome, hulking giant smiled at Jeff, and his teeth seemed to sparkle, as he gave a reassuring wink.

     "Pete's the name, and pardon me if I do say so, but that apple looks delicious!"

     Jeff stood still as a brick, wide eyed, and silent as Pete quickly, yet gracefully, pointed at his wares.

     "I seem to have worked myself up quite the appetite, and I just so happened to turn the corner when I hear a call from the heavens. I couldn't believe my ears, when I heard your voice cry out a plea; a plea to be rid of such a magnificent thing such as this; this which shines in the golden light, begging to be tasted by one such as I. I must admit, it has been long since my eyes feasted on such a fruit; one whose red, ripe flesh and lush, green stem beckon me. Please, kind sir, if I may, might I purchase this item, which you so graciously offer me? I would be most obliged!" was what came softly, yet sternly, from the lips of this eight-foot goliath.

     Jeff was speechless. How could he say no to this man? He paused a bit to think of something, when suddenly a short, skinny fellow appeared next to the muscular man. His wide brimmed hat and dark sunglasses shaded his eyes, and his bushy mustache hid his lips. His clean, white suit nearly blinded Jeff, were it not for his eye protection. The little man tapped his cane and leaned forward. In a squeaky, child-like voice, he spoke.

     "The boss wants his apples and he wants them now. Where is they?" the man piped. Jeff tugged at his collar and shifted his eyes at the passerby’s. He scratched the back of his head nervously as he thought up an answer.

     "Well...um...some lady bought them all."

     "Some lady!? The boss ain't gonna like this. Tell me, chummer, did she look like this?" He reached into his jacket, and retrieved a weathered old photograph, holding it out for both men to see. Jeff glanced at it for a second or two, and then looked at Pete. Pete had a frown on his face, but was intent solely on watching the situation unfold. Jeff struggled for an answer.

     "Um...yeah. That looks like her." he guessed. All he wanted to do was sell this apple and go home, maybe grab a beer and watch some football. He decided to cut to the chase. He pointed to his right, looking down the street as he did so. "She went that way."

     "Thanks, pal," the man replied. "It's been a pleasure." He stretched out his arm, grabbed the apple, tossed a silver coin to Jeff, turned around abruptly, and climbed into the passenger’s side of a shiny, white Cadillac. The door painfully slammed shut. Jeff looked up at Pete and apologized. Pete let out a wail, covered his face with his gigantic hands, and stormed off like an abused child. Jeff stood for a long while, trying to take in all the wild events of the day. He finally took off his apron and began packing up.

     Jeff never did find out what really happened that day. He would see Pete every now and then, and even visited his gym with him. As for the mysterious, overpaying woman, he eventually spotted her, when the light was just right, stopping at an orange stand. A bus passed by, and she was gone. He would've waited there, to see if that man clad in white would show up, but he didn't care. He stepped inside the nearby establishment, sat down on a creaky old stool, and ordered a beer. A smile came over his face as he looked towards the tiny television set in the corner, just in time to witness the first touchdown of the game.