You know it's not natural
        when cars attack.
        if it's not Faygo.
        because I said so.
        when the sun is green.
        when the grass is blue.
        when Elvis is your mom.
        if it's made from tofu.
        when PanterA goes soft.
        when dogs aren't yellow.
        if it says caffine free.
        when NCS doesn't go moo.
        when the 80's come back.
        when your face falls off.
        if your name is Lou Zher.
        when your name is Cletus.
        when a man marries a dog.
        if your loogie's are red.
        if your cat coughed it up.
        because Stone Cold said so.
        when it says Pokémon on it.
        when there's snow in April.
        when the school burns down.
        when your food talks to you.
        when Apple Kid smells fresh.
        if it comes from Pepperland.
        when ICP becomes a boy band.
        when it looks just like you.
        when you plead to the fourth.
        when poets run out of rhymes.
        because your mom told you to.
        when you can't find the beef.
        when it's made by Bill Gates.
        when someone's hair is green.
        when Dave Thomas is your mom.
        if it says "artificial" on it.
        when a woman used to be a man.
        when fart smells like flowers.
        when toilets say "Thank you!".
        when your brother hates music.
        if a cop helps you steal a car.
        when there's multicolored milk.
        if it has wheels on the bottom.
        when your maiden name is Spitz.
        if your name is Stupid Child #2.
        when there's a Twinkie shortage.
        when you have less than one chin.
        when it's as stupid as this list.
        because it looks like raw sewage.
        when a Disney movie is rated 'R'.
        when pizza looses it's popularity.
        when it tastes like it's not real.
        when it says "new" AND "improved".
        when Tom Green is taken seriously.
        when KFC starts making hamburgers.
        if he says his name is Bill Gates.
        if it has the word "healthy" on it.
        when a fire drill is actually real.
        when this list actually has an end.
        when your phone number is Smithers.
        if it says "Cheez Wiz" on the side.
        when you have more than three chins.
        when you get free money in the mail.
        when your money has a caramel center.
        when you see a cowboy eating pudding.
        when you are blind in your third eye.
        when it's the cheese on school pizza.
        when a hamburger refuses to be eaten.
        when it's not safe to breathe oxygen.
        when Homer Simpson wins a REAL award.
        because it says so on the commercial.
        when it has pod people growing on it.
        if it has artificial sweeteners in it.
        if it's made from "100% Real Pokémon".
        when ketchup and catsup finally agree.
        when your teacher smiles ALL the time.
        when chocolate makes you want to barf.
        when pink ooze comes out of the faucet.
        if it's got monosodium glutimate in it.
        when it says it's imported from Uranus.
        because cheese just shouldn't be green.
        when a rapper calls himself Kid "Rock".
        because dogs don't know it's not bacon.
        when PanterA starts playing "Lazy Day".
        when a woman is really a man in a dress.
        when all your friends jump off a bridge.
        when a blind guy has a seeing-eye-camel.
        if the planet is filled with grapefruit.
        when someone tells you that Quake sucks.
        when M.C. Hammer makes a comeback album.
        when someone older than 10 plays Pokémon.
        when gas goes down to ten cents a gallon.
        when something else is what's for dinner.
        when Toney the Tiger changes his stripes.
        when it gives you the "bitter beer face".
        when they come out with Austin Powers VI.
        when your probation officer is Joe Friday.
        when the hamburgers at McDonald's are big.
        when Microsoft comes out with a cool game.
        if your pedigree has diaginal lines in it.
        if it has anything to do with Santa Claus.
        when QC takes more than an hour to compile.
        when they come out with another white meat.
        because it smells just as good as it looks.
        when you give a bum 2000 nuyen in Shadowrun.
        when a movie has no people or animals in it.
        because it tastes just as good as it smells.
        when you're on the 'net "twenty-four seven".
        when Wendey's hamburgers have round patties.
        when a space man chokes on a muffin and dies.
        when your parants name you after a superhero.
        when Puff Daddy writes his own original song.
        when it's a wrestling show called RAW IS WAR.
        when the radio plays cool songs all the time.
        when you pop a loaf of bread with your knife.
        if it has anything to do with Ronald McDonald.
        when someone older than 50 listens to PanterA.
        when a level takes more than a day to compile.
        when you Krazie-Glue your head to the ceiling.
        when golf becomes the most popular thing on TV.
        when you have layers of dust on your TV remote.
        when Lucas Arts comes out with R2D2 trash cans.
        when they stop making your favorite pop, Jasta.
        when someone wastes time to read this dumb list.
        when Irish people take over the chain of 7-11's.
        if a food product says "Warning! Do not ingest!".
        when a dog only goes to the bathroom in a toilet.
        when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie.
        when you can get a Tommy Hilfiger Game Boy Color.
        when your mom refers to your friends as "homeys".
        when you actually laugh at a Dreamcast commercial.
        when it's made from "real beef flavored" anything.
        when someone thinks it's cool to imitate the Rock.
        when your water has flakes of 24 karat gold in it.
        when the Backstreet Boys become a punk rock group.
        if your brother's names are Stupid Child #1 and #3.
        when chatters talk about something besides friends.
        because rappers don't know how to play instruments.
        because beef flavored Kool-Aid is just plain gross.
        if it tastes like chicken and it's not supposed to.
        when another network tries to make a prody of MST3K.
        when you have sattelites orbiting around your house.
        when someone walks around saying "My hair is fake!".
        when the government admits to the alien conspiracies.
        when your nickname is Squeezy Chedder with Bacon Man.
        when you find chicken nuggets that are Siamese twins.
        when a burger place starts making chicken sandwiches.
        when school french fries are really made of potatoes.
        when the same bird poops on you ten times in one day.
        when a Quake mod lets you shoot heads out of your gun.
        the way The Brow died in that Dick Tracey comic strip.
        when they come out with a sequel to the alien autopsy.
        when a meat product has the word "veggie" in it's name.
        when a heavy metal band makes an album with a symphony.
        when Macho Man stops appearing in Slim Jim commercials.
        when you get your food at Denny's in under ten seconds.
        when it smells like my mom left something in the garage.
        when repo men start putting furnerature into your house.
        when God buys you a Benz, a TV, and a night on the town.
        when Coke goes back to the original ORIGINAL formula. ;)
        when Space Ghost spits water on the screen and it's red.
        when it stinks so bad there's a greenish tint in the air.
        when Run DMC makes a song about being the "King of Rock".
        when a judge calls you stupid for wanting to be a cowboy.
        when the people that make Pokémon stop being greedy for cash.
        when you see a drive-by performed by a gang of carni midgets.
        when he finally gets his baby back, baby back, baby back...ribs.
        when they come out with a "City of New York fragrance for women".
        when annoying little people constantly ask if they can have money.
        when they find out that 2pac was working at a 7-11 the whole time.
        when there's a radio or TV station that never has any commercials.
        when a commercial steels Joe's "behold the power of cheese" slogan.
        when your deaf, dumb, and blind, but you're really good at pinball.
        when a movie doesn't contain any cheese products or dancing of jigs.
        when a furnerature company steals your cool quotes that you make up.
        when they find out that babies really are the "other, other white meat".
        when you point a finger at David Bowie and he runs away screaming. (NiN)
        when people mispronounce your cool words such as "poodah" and "hogwash".
        because a guy named Chris just shouldn't have his own redecorating show.
        when you divorce your wife and ask the judge if she's still your sister.
        when you get so bored that you write a list of things that aren't natural.
        when it's a list of things that aren't natural and it's posted on the web.
        when Micheal Jackson gets a disease that makes his skin turn back to black.
        when you're actually having a conversation about the price of tea in China.
        when sports players have last names that are too big to fit on their jerseys.
        when licking your fingers and putting them in the light socket becomes a fad.
        when old people are on school grounds without a little dog and a bag of cans.
        when you get arrested for greeting your friend Jack at an airport. (Hi Jack!)
        when you look through a Shadowrun rule book and the elf looks like David Bowie.
        when a guy from the 80's still makes 80's songs in the 90's for a Disney movie.
        when a cooking show teaches you how to cook animals you've never even heard of.
        when Wierd Al finally makes it to his goal of trying to look like Alanis Moriset.
        if a person has more or less than the normal number of toes, fingers, limbs, etc.
        when one of those British guard dudes starts dancing a jig in the middle of the street.
        when someone's hair is twice as large as it was yesterday. (*cough**cough*weave*cough*)
        when BBQ sauce tastes like lemons and the ingredient list doesn't list any lemon products.
        when you finally get to the end of this stupid list and say "That was it? What a waste of time!".