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200 ways to tell you play too much Quake. Goto page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Next

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MauveBib Joined: 04 Nov 2004 Posts: 602 |

Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 3:33 am Post subject: |

49) When your doctor asks how you feel you express it as a health percentage. 50) You think anyone trying to hug you is a fiend. 51) You believe in reincarnation. When I die I'm going to respawn. 52) You still mod quake 12ish years after it was released...
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Apathy Now!

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Wazat Joined: 15 Oct 2004 Posts: 732 Location: Middle 'o the desert, USA |

Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 6:41 am Post subject: |

53) You throw yourself against the wall to press the light switch. Your friends are worried. 54) You're convinced that some distant light switches should be activated by shooting them. 55) The workers at the hardware store revoked your nailgun privileges.
56) You did manage to find a good use for real life shotguns. In other news, the neighbor's rottweiler is strangely silent.
57) Each and every day when you wake up and leave your house, you are surprised to find other people around you that aren't trying to kill you. You're just not used to NPCs...
58) You're surprised as anyone that rocket jumps don't work. Your legs are healing nicely though...
59) You are afraid of fish. Very afraid of fish.
60) You're genuinely shocked to be able to see into or out of water.
61) The water is strangely still too... There's a distinct lack of swirling. It's... unworldly. You're not even comfortable stepping into the bath tub unless you stir up the water a bit first.
62) Despite repeated attempts, you are not able to carry all your worldly possessions with you at all times without a speed reduction. You also tend to drop things.
63) When you read the obituaries you wonder if it's too late to go pick up the backpacks...
64) When you miss out on buying something you want and the store is out of stock, you duck around a corner and camp until it respawns.
65) Not only are the hardware store nailguns wimpy, but nobody knows what you're talking about when you ask about supernailguns.
66) And lava nails are out of the question, apparently. They didn't have to stare.
67) You're waiting for someone to perfect a tesla coil. You've been stocking battery cells for years and you've capped at 200.
68) It turns out you can actually have more than 200 batteries, 100 shells, and 200 nails. Who knew.... You're having trouble stockpiling rockets. Again, they didn't have to stare...
69) Any time someone's wallpaper doesn't align right or the lighting seems a little off, you pull out your axe and start hacking away, looking for the secret compartment. You are no longer welcome in many homes or public places.
70) You blame the mappers for a distinct lack of ammo, health boxes and armor in the area you live in. And enemies to kill.
71) Health boxes are surprisingly unhelpful. You're confused about how gauze and a band-aid are supposed to heal your nail wounds.
72) Protip: It turns out nailguns can ricochet without a mod active.
73) To this day you are still trying to figure out how to mod real life. No source code, no compiler, no nothing. Bastards.
74) Running over a weapon or other item doesn't pick it up. You have to use your hands and stuff. In fact, running over some items breaks them and gets you banned from yet another store.
75) You post on the Quake forums often.
76) You post in a thread discussing signs that you play too much Quake.
77) You don't understand why shooting your antagonists is frowned upon.
78) You see a fat guy and yell "Boomer!" (oops sorry, that's Left 4 Dead)
78) You see a fat guy and yell "Ogre!"
79) If there's someone around the corner at work that you don't want to talk to, you ponder over the trajectory for bouncing a grenade off the wall.
80) You finally saved up enough to buy a rocket launcher and grenade launcher, but you got ripped off. Neither came with 5 rockets, and the rockets you bought aren't compatible wtih the grenade launcher. What kind of cheap scam are these guys trying to pull?
81) The grenade launcher worked against the World of Warcraft zombies next door, but you ran out of ammo just as the rottweiler arrived. Now you need a medpack.
82) You bought the largest medpack you can afford, but to your dismay it does not in fact boost your HP to 200%. In fact, you can barely move in all the bandages. Why does this not work right?!?
83) Reloading a weapon is foreign to you. You have ammo, why doesn't it keep firing?
84) You didn't start life with an axe. You don't get it. No one else seems to have either.
85) Your red shirt doesn't seem to be blocking any more damage than your green one. You suspect the salesperson lied.
86) None of your shirts, no matter what color, prevented falling damage.
87) Your friends try to explain that you cannot, in fact, swim to the bottom of a pool of lava to pick up the quad damage or pentagram of protection at the bottom. They have thus far failed to convince you that there is no teleport at the bottom to get you out.
88) You often remark to yourself how odd the lack of teleporters is. You would think the mapper would have included more.
89) Your friends recently staged an intervention to take away the pentagram of protection your found. You don't understand why it didn't work. You are receiving counseling.
90) When you find a secret area, there's usually a security guard to escourt you out.
91) The dope fish still eludes you. You've searched every swimming pool, lake, and body of water you can find.
92) Dirty swamp water doesn't scare you at all. Pristine blue water freaks you out. And you're still scared of the fish.
93) You try to switch between the things you're carrying by saing "4" or pressing a number on your cell phone.
94) The reason you know this isn't single player is because Impulse 9 doesn't work. Neither does God mode.
95) But if it's multiplayer you can't find the frag count for the life of you. You keep hoping the server will hit its time limit and change maps. You are so damned sick of this place.
96) Strafe jumps and ramp jumps are hard, and you're still trying to get the hang of them. It turns out you can reach up and climb though. Who knew?
97) You saw something about wind tunnels on the science channel and wondered where they go. The scientists didn't seem like they were going to jump into them. You guess they just don't get it.
98) It's a little scary going outside and seeing tarbabys smeared across the road over the cracks. You would stab them but you're afraid they would explode.
99) After searching through some backpacks you found lying around, you are sorely disappointed at the lack of ammo. To add insult to injury, their red armor isn't any better at blocking damage than yours, which you found out when the (newly respawned?) owners of the backpack arrived to beat you up.
100) Even though you miss teleporters, you're actually pleased by the lack of slip gates and hellish armies. Nonetheless you monitor scientific progress with a wary eye.
101) You blame lag and excessive engine eye candy for slow traffic.
102) When you praise the new engine enhancements, including better resolution and transparent water, your friends look at you weird.
103) You're having trouble defeating the boss at work. He seems invincible, and there are no lightning pillars to zap him with and the buttons in the area don't seem to do anything. Seriously, you've tried them all repeatedly. After you got tired of running into walls to push buttons you started looking around for teleporters you could use to telefrag him, but again none are there. It looks like you'll have to fill out your TPS report after all. :(
Okay, that's got us up to 100. :D
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When my computer inevitably explodes and kills me, my cat inherits everything I own. He may be the only one capable of continuing my work.

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MauveBib Joined: 04 Nov 2004 Posts: 602 |

Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 2:24 pm Post subject: |

I must confess that I once went to a lake at sunset and thought "cool, they've got shiny water working." _________________ Apathy Now!

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Orion Joined: 12 Jan 2007 Posts: 413 Location: Brazil |

Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 3:47 pm Post subject: |

Wow, you got unlimited creativity Wazat! 104) You're afraid to be underwater for more than 12 seconds. 105) When you wear a pentagram amulet you think you'll never die. 106) You go out with your friends at night, then you see a blue led light on an outdoor. You go below that light, think you got quad damage, and give a punch on someone of your friends to see if he'll fly 10 meters away.
107) You think fireworks are cluster rockets. And think: "That guy is just stupid. Why is he wasting precious ammo at the sky?"
108) You eat crude meat.
109) You get close to a lake and can't see what's underwater. You complain that watervis is disabled.
110) You get into a crowded bus where everybody is standing still, and think: "What a f*ckin' lag! Admin, kick the noobs!"
111) You throw a rock and complain that it didn't hit the wall in the center point of your vision.
112) You go to your doctor wearing white. Or you think he may infect you with the "mysterious tropical disease" instead of healing you.
113) You can run at over 40 kph and never get tired.
114) You always wear a brown helmet, brown boots and brown gloves.
115) You think a lightning don't really come from a cloud, but it's someone firing a lightning gun from up there.
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There's no signature here. Stop looking for one.
Last edited by Orion on Sat Jan 31, 2009 5:38 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Wazat Joined: 15 Oct 2004 Posts: 732 Location: Middle 'o the desert, USA |

Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 4:40 pm Post subject: |

_________________ When my computer inevitably explodes and kills me, my cat inherits everything I own. He may be the only one capable of continuing my work.

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CocoT Joined: 14 Dec 2004 Posts: 599 Location: Belly-Gum |

Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 5:39 pm Post subject: |

116) You try to speed up everything you do. You speedbrush your teeth, speedtie your shoes, speedwalk to school, speedeat your lunch.. etc. 117) You think that each fun game out there should have "quake" (or just the letter Q) in their titles: Quakopoly, Quake's up, Quakestation 3, Qranium...
118) You can't help thinking of bots when hearing the 1978 disco hit "Le Freak" by Chic.
119) You think all spanish guys look and sound like Tei and all Brazilians look and sound like Tribal.
Ok, those might actually be more like things you do when you've been around modders too much, but, hey...
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http://www.planetcocot.net/

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Chip Joined: 21 Jan 2009 Posts: 314 Location: Romania |

Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 11:04 pm Post subject: Fun |

Quote:
what ever your holding you move it back and forth as you walk

I just stood up and tried it, damn I'm laughing for a few minutes here. Just try it.
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My Projects: Quake 1 Mods | OpenQuartz 2 | ChipQuake

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MDave Joined: 17 Dec 2007 Posts: 75 |

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 12:32 am Post subject: |

My god, no words can explain the level of nuttiness here. 120) You walk into a museum, see a suit of medieval armor and proceed to attack it with the nearest object closest to you.

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MeTcHsteekle Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 397 Location: its a secret |

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 12:45 am Post subject: Re: Fun |

Chip wrote:

Quote:
what ever your holding you move it back and forth as you walk

I just stood up and tried it, damn I'm laughing for a few minutes here. Just try it.

heh there's also the doom style you swing it in a wide concave curve [to your vision] left and right then proceed to da or hum out a doom tune...but then everyone stairs at you
when you pick something up you expect a text in the top left corner of your vision to pop up telling you what it was or the contents of it [it = bag of sorts]. you also expect text to print in the center of your vision stating why a switch did not work etc
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bah

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Orion Joined: 12 Jan 2007 Posts: 413 Location: Brazil |

Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 1:12 am Post subject: |

123) You think: "Why don't items float in mid-air and rotate?" 124) You try to open a door by touching it with your body. 125) You're very afraid of polar bears. They remember shamblers. 126) You think someone wearing a protective suit and gas mask is an enforcer.
127) You think Darth Vader is an enforcer with a lightsaber. His breathing noise scares the crap out of you.
128 ) You don't know how to drive. There's no such vehicle in Quake.
129) You go upstairs or downstairs at the same speed you're running.
130) Real life trains don't have that famous noise, they can't float in mid-air, can't immediately stop, it needs to slow down, and can't go sideways.
131) You wish your cell phone could run Quake.
132) You'll only buy a laptop if it'll run DarkPlaces.
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There's no signature here. Stop looking for one.

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FrikaC Site Admin Joined: 08 Oct 2004 Posts: 947 |

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 8:44 am Post subject: |

133) You recieve a text message containing "ya" for yes, but it takes you about 10 minutes to realize they were not talking about the yellow armor.

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Orion Joined: 12 Jan 2007 Posts: 413 Location: Brazil |

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2009 2:56 am Post subject: |

134) You're very disappointed because elevators has doors, has a cubic format and you need to press a button of the specified floor in order to go up or down. 135) You expect all doors to open up or sideways, not in. Which may be painful sometimes.
136) When on your way to school/work you scan the streets for medikits and ammo.
137) Going to sleep you open your bedroom's door and instead of turning lights on, you fire a rocket into the room. Or throw a flare.
138 ) You enter strafing into rooms.
139) You find jokes about playing too much Quake funny.
140) You think green backpacks are detpacks.
141) You wonder why there are so many player skins around you, even though you know you only have one.
142) You post about it in a topic like this!
Doh! I created this topic didn't I?? lol
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Wazat Joined: 15 Oct 2004 Posts: 732 Location: Middle 'o the desert, USA |

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2009 2:27 pm Post subject: |

143) You are afraid to try to race into the elevator once the doors are closing, because if you're still in the doorway when the elevator starts moving you'll be insta-gibbed 144) You scoff at how easy the zombies are to kill in left4dead. They don't even require grenades...
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When my computer inevitably explodes and kills me, my cat inherits everything I own. He may be the only one capable of continuing my work.

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jim Joined: 05 Aug 2005 Posts: 400 Location: In The Sun |

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2009 6:05 pm Post subject: |

145) You're amazed how silent computers really are. 146) Whenever you hear someone snoring, you get the grenade launcher ready 147) You got disappointed not seeing any crucified zombies when you visited a church 148) The priest in the church gave you odd looks when you asked about the crucified zombies
149) You suspect he's hiding them in the cellar... as you were trying to break in, the janitor spotted you and threw you away
150) You take a grenade launcher with you when you visit a graveyard
151) Entering a new room/place, you check for exits, traps and trap triggers
152) When you saw a lamp pole in the street with a flickering light, you kicked the pole in hopes for finding a secret area nearby...
153) You have a huge collection of axes
154) You are interested in rocket science
155) When someone told you that shotgun pellets don't hit the target instantly, you roundhouse kicked him in the face instantly
156) After some tests, you realise he was actually telling the truth, so you modified your shotguns to fire hitscan traces!
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zbang!

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Orion Joined: 12 Jan 2007 Posts: 413 Location: Brazil |

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2009 7:35 pm Post subject: |

157) There's no such pump-action double-barrelled shotgun. You get very disappointed because you should put a shell on each barrel before firing a single shot. Also, you need to press both triggers if you want the shotgun to fire both barrels at the same time.
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