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volume 1, issue 1

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The "We Can't Make this Stuff Up" Dept.:
MailBag for Issue #1

Comments by Stephanie "Bobbi" Bergman

Every week our associate editor takes on the big ol' pile of mail for your reading enjoyment...got something to say? Send it in. You just might win a swanky loonygames t-shirt. Letters are presented exactly as they are recieved.

Huh?

Subject: Lonnygames

Actually, it's loonygames.

Dude, U the MAN!!!
that is all

Thanx

Brad

PS. Your site rocks

Hrm. Me the woman, actually, but thanks, the site still rocks. :)

We got a lot of e-mails about this "THEY" out there:

Subject: Outside the Box....

Hey, Just thought I'd drop a line and say that I happy as hell that Steed is back with a forum in which to rant. I loved reading the .plan wars going on last year. Hope "They/Them" don't screw this up.

Later,

(DVC)Testoclese
aka Lucifucker

Subject: Us or Them?

[Steed wrote]:
"You know. The "they" that basically screws everything up in the end and make it their life's mission to piss in every still crispy bowl of corn flakes in sight. I'd kick "their" ass in a heartbeat if I ever found "them". I'd poke a tiny hole in their belly and start pulling all twenty plus feet of their small intestine through that hole as they scream in very intense pain. But unfortunately it's sadly a truism that "they" are the secret sand-baggers of nearly anything fun, or otherwise questionably opinionated, forthright or untainted-by-politically-correct-flavoring-and-fortification. "They" basically wore down the powers-that-be and convinced them that my .plan updates reflected badly on the company I passionately work for and believe in."

Everyone is "they" sometimes. Think about that. Personally, I'm glad to have seen Steed's .plans disappear - all the posturing and chest-thumping becomes very tiresome after a while. He is however a talented 3-D modeler.

Some may think I'm "they". That doesn't mean *I* don't get pissed when "they" say we can't dive into the lake anymore because of rocks, or "they" feel the need to enforce a (quite arbitrary) speed limit while driving, or when "they" get a hold of daddy's AOL password and, well, you know. Every story has way more than two sides.

But life's full of pains-in-the-asses; we're all here to be *somebody's* pain-in-the-ass, whether we mean to or not.

But hey, if I didn't enjoy this shit, I wouldn't read it, huh?

Keep up the good work, if "their" opinion means anything to ya.

Mike

Posturing and chest thumping? God I love that. :)

But hey, I'm a hormonal woman and you know, nothing turns a woman on like the Godzilla effect. Seriously now, this concept of a "they" is a riot...all it brings to mind with me is that movie "They Live." Remember that? Roddy Roddy Piper running around killing aliens? (DAMN good stupid flick, btw, I think that was one of those 4 in the morning dorm room movies). Of course, when put together with the "they" I think Mr. Fucker, and Paul Steed referred to creates a rather interesting image of pasty-faced computer programmers running around with cheesy sunglasses on and carrying oversized shotguns. Wait a sec. Sounds like, well, when we add in "ripped", sounds like...Duke Nukem! Anyway, the "They" Mike is referring to is a more all-inclusive 'we are all they' type of thing, and one I must argue a bit against. I will never be a they. Nobody here at loonygames will ever be a they. We are, collectively, the loons, and separately, 'that drunk.'

...And more on Paul Steed:

Subject: Mr. Steed

Dear Loondude:

Welcome back Mr. Steed!

Personally I never had a problem with the "I am not a role model" typeof plan person...I just thought he was your basic "my .plans bigger than your .plan" grade A jerk. I also have no problem respecting the awesome amount of professional work he has done and enjoying that work and personally thinking he's about as appealing as having my mother-in-law do my dental work sans novacaine...and that he has the emotional maturity of Butthead...or that he has an id...uh, I mean "ego"...the size of the Tetons...with a mouth (and body) to back it up, because all that pretty much describes what others say about me to a captial "T". I liked his plans because they pissed me off. His column is thankfully no exception.

"Unfortunately for every one hundred people who love to watch the .plan operas unfold one or two whiners write in to complain about the evil bantering of the .plan writers. Losers."

What does this say about the loser who changes what he's doing just because of "one or two" whiners??? You'd still be doing it today if they hadn't said something, huh? Yeah, I know if I got hundreds of letters of support and one or two complaints per hundred, I'D change what I was doing. Perhaps that's the ratio of feedback that decided id on doing Quake Arena. And it's kinda funny, because I've never imagined ego, uh...I mean id, caring about what one or two people thought...

"When I wrote my .plan file I pictured a smoky pool hall, lots of sexy, friendly serving-wenches, a pitcher of beer, a couple of frosty mugs and you - the reader taking your turn at trying to sink the eight whilst I ruminate over whatever it is I decided to rume over. " And when I'm in my car I picture I'm at the Indy 500 inside a souped up race car and that the cops chasing me are really just an escort to the winners circle. Talk about thinking outside the box...sheesh... (actually, when I'm in my car I think more about that movie "Falling Down" and how nice it would be to "chicken wing" the guy in front of me, lock my hands over his forehead and yank down, snapping his neck and watching the light go out in his eyes and then picking up his little mexican yapping dog and popping it open like a can of biscuits!!!!...uh...I'm sharing too much again, right?)

I would ask Mr. Steed if he'd like a little cheese with his whine, but instead I'll refer him to this new ten step program I've heard so much about Get a clue one day; less salt in the diet; some simple personal hygiene practices; a self-help book or ten; a personal trainer; and a dose of common sense (oh, and I've heard that Depends will aid the urges for random urination, but probably not an obsession with frequent analogies and references to piss and/or pissing in .plan files, columns, or feedback emails :-)).

Sincerely,

Glenn Smith

Now, don't get me wrong, Paul Steed has angered me and pissed me off more times than I care to remember with his .plan files, 'Steedisms' and the like. But I kept reading just like I used to listen to Rush Limbaugh....know your enemy. And end of it, I began liking Paul Steed. Not his views, but because he was very articulate, and truly believed in what he said, which is rare these days...most people follow a party line. The occasions you find someone who really knows what they stand for are few and far between, and always deserve respect and some admiration.

So, as for you? If you want to insult one of our columnists, go for it, we certainly won't discourage you. But for future reference I suggest you stick to insults of substance. Paul Steed clearly does not need a personal trainer, his life is perfect (according to him) so a self-help book or ten-step plan would be wasted, and what he says is his opinion, not yours. He probably doesn't see himself as pissing in his .plan file, just like you don't see yourself as having just shit in that letter.

Insult away, boys and girls. But please do it with some reason?? Not just 'get a clue because I don't agree with you,' It's the views that disagree with yours that have the most potential to teach you something. Silencing them is always a mistake.

(Continued on next page)

Credits: MailBag logo illustrated and is © 1998 Dan Zalkus. The MailBag is © 1998 Stephanie Bergman. All other content is © 1998 loonyboi productions. Unauthorized reproduction is strictly prohibited and not nice.