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        <h1><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><b><i><a href="../../index.html">loonygames</a><br>
          <font size="1">a <a href="http://www.bluesnews.com">blue's news</a> 
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<p>&nbsp;</p>Vol. 
                2, Issue 3<br>
                November 25, 1999<br>
                </b>
              <b> 
                </b>
              
                <b><i>Pad 
                  Happy:</i></b></p>

                <b><i> 
                  All I Want for Christmas is...</i></b></p>
                by 
                  Nick Ferguson</p>
              
              

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              <i>Nick 
                F shamelessly tries to disguise his letter to Santa as this week&#146;s 
                Pad Happy...</i>
              <br>
               Every 
                year, I have this terrible crisis of conscience over the run up 
                to Christmas. As the nights draw in, I feel an overwhelming urge 
                to not spend my money on friends and loved ones, but rather on 
                the disproportionately large number of A-class games released 
                every holiday season. Aaargh! Why do games companies do it? Last 
                winter my good credit rating was almost wiped out by a tidal wave 
                of console goodies: <b>Zelda 64</b>, <b>Rogue Squadron</b>, <b>Ridge 
                Racer Type 4</b>, <b>Turok 2 </b>(yeuch!) and the Color Gameboy. 
                This year Sega has already delivered me a sucker punch with the 
                Dreamcast sneaking a large chunk of savings, money that should&#146;ve 
                probably been saved for a comfy pair of socks if Santa&#146;s 
                elves had their way. Quite frankly, I don&#146;t know how I&#146;m 
                going to get away with it this time... I have a sinking feeling 
                that now I&#146;ve finally got a post-university job, people will 
                be expecting a bit more than the planned airport bestseller, box 
                of chocolates and Yanni CD (just kidding about that Yanni CD, 
                guys). Damn yoooooou, publishers!</p>
              </p>
              Let&#146;s 
                face it, if there was a poster boy for Attention Deficit Disorder, 
                it would be me on Christmas Day (or, indeed, any other family 
                gathering). Sitting there, joypad fingers twitching, I&#146;m 
                painfully aware of the difficulty in trying to keep an expression 
                on my face that doesn&#146;t betray my complete and utter lack 
                of interest in anything anybody is trying to tell me because I 
                want to get back to my new game. Even as a kid (hell, especially 
                as a kid), formal family visits, big turkey meals and extended 
                vacations were, quite simply, a cruel and unwelcome intrusion 
                on good, honest gamesplaying time. I mean, is there anything crueler 
                than finally giving a child the video game they&#146;ve been waiting 
                six months to play, and then banning them from touching the computer 
                all day? Sounds like sadism at its worst to me. Even worse was 
                when your well-meaning (read: useless) relatives managed to buy 
                you the game that would have been last on anyone&#146;s Christmas 
                list (believe it or not, I wasn&#146;t allowed to trade in unwanted 
                gifts as it was &#147;against the Christmas Spirit&#148; - balls). 
                I have a sneaking suspicion that EB staff get a bonus for offloading 
                their dud stock the week before Christmas: &#147;Hey, I sold five 
                copies of Tanx Warz!&#148; &#147;No way!?!&#148; Gah! Where&#146;s 
                your heart, people? </p>
              </p>
              Hell, 
                I know what I&#146;d like to find in my Christmas stocking this 
                year. We could start with a Neo Geo Pocket, complete with <b>Turf 
                Masters</b>, <b>Puzzle Bobble</b>, <b>Metal Slug</b> and (yes!) 
                <b>Pac-Man</b>. Moving swiftly on, the mandatory PlayStation game 
                would have to be <b>Resident Evil Nemesis</b> &#150; full of zombie-blasting 
                undead goodness. I&#146;m tempted to ask for <b>Tomb Raider 4</b> 
                (that&#146;s what it is people, fancy &#147;Last Revelation&#148; 
                subtitles or no), but if Lara still moves like she has piles I&#146;ll 
                give it a miss. N64-wise, there&#146;s always <b>Donkey Kong 64 
                </b>and <b>Jet Force Gemini</b> from those console stalwards Rare. 
                On the PC there&#146;s no shortage of thrills on the action front, 
                with <b>Quake III Arena</b>, <b>Opposing Force </b>and <b>Unreal 
                Tournament</b> catering for all your gaming preferences (as long 
                as they&#146;re in the first person). I&#146;m intreagued by the 
                &#147;scary&#148; <b>Nocturne</b>, the &#147;epic&#148; <b>Omikron: 
                The Nomad Soul</b> and the &#147;pretty&#148; <b>Homeworld</b>, 
                too. And if you like your gaming with minimal-bittage there&#146;s 
                always a Gameboy Color with <b>Pokemon Yellow</b> (mmmmm, <b>Pokemon 
                Yellow</b>). Oh, and while I&#146;m asking, alphas versions of 
                <b>Halo</b>, <b>Oni</b> and <b>Duke Nukem Forever</b> wouldn&#146;t 
                go amiss, either!</p>
              </p>
              This next 
                bit is a public service announcement (or maybe I just feel the 
                need to share this weirdo experience I had last weekend). I was 
                in my local HMV, just browsing through some gaming magazines, 
                when this complete stranger starts talking to me about <b>Dino 
                Crisis</b>. So, my initial reaction is just to be polite &#150; 
                mentally I&#146;m going &#147;Uuuuuuh, okaaaay...&#148; but you 
                know, let the guy get on with it and he&#146;ll soon leave me 
                alone, right? But no! He just keeps going, and going and going. 
                Over the next ten minutes - with nary an ounce of encouragement 
                from me - he&#146;s telling me about how he&#146;s already on 
                the fourth disc of <b>Final Fantasy VIII</b> after a week and 
                how he&#146;s really impressed with the Dreamcast. Next, &#147;Did 
                you know that the new <b>Tomb Raider</b> game will be the last 
                one... ever?&#148;</p>
               The real 
                cracker comes when, with a conspiratorial whisper, he informs 
                me that he has inside knowledge that Sony just bought the rights 
                to publish a version of Rare&#146;s <b>Goldeneye</b> on the PlayStation. 
                At this point, I admit, I start to laugh - but he gives me a really 
                rather creepy look and I suddenly begin to want to get the hell 
                out of there. But, being a bit too polite for my own good, I&#146;m 
                trapped (in a nodding-my-head-politely, &#147;what-the-frig-is-this-guy-on?&#148; 
                kinda way). He then proceeds to tell me his vision for the Japanese 
                console market: &#147;In the next few years, I&#146;m pretty sure 
                that Sony will buy out Nintendo and Sega, just scrap them, so 
                they can control the market.&#148; Yeah, right! At this point 
                I suddenly developed an imaginary friend I had to go meet and 
                I got out of there, but I just thought I should warn you that 
                these people are out there. What I want to know is, where the 
                hell do they pick up that sort of crap?</p>
              </p>
              Then again, 
                I fall for outrageous Usenet rumors like &#147;John Romero is 
                dead&#148;, &#147;Link dies at the end of <b>Zelda 64&#148;</b> 
                and (heh) &#147;PlayStation 2 will have 250 titles at launch&#148; 
                all the time...</p>
              </p>
              </p>
              <i>- 
                Nick F. apologises for the preceeding He really does.</i></p>
              <br><p>&nbsp;</p> 
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<p><i><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="-2">Credits: Print CGI is 
  &copy; 2000 <a href="http://www.square8.com">Square Eight</a>. Used with permission. 
  Article is &copy; 2000 its original author. All other content is &copy; 2000 
  loonyboi productions. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited. You got that??</font></i></p>
 