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      <h5><b><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">//<a href="../../../index.html"><font color="#7C420E">loonygames</font></a>://<a href="../index.html"><font color="#7C420E">issue 
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              <h5 align="right"><b><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#00025E"><img src="../../images/icons/boag_final.jpg" width="193" height="235" align="left"><loonystart>Vol. 
                2, Issue 8<br>
                January 11, 2000<br>
                </font></b></h5>
              <h5 align="right"><font color="#00025E"><b><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"> 
                </font></b></font></h5>
              <div align="center">
                <p align="center"><b><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#0000FF"><i><font color="#904C10" size="3">Birth 

                  of a Gamer:</font></i></font></b></p>
                <p align="center"><b><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#0000FF"><i><font color="#904C10" size="6"> 
                  Unreal Tournament<br>
                  <font size="4">(A blow to my ego)</font></font></i></font></b></p>
                <p align="right"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">by 
                  Heather &quot;<a href="mailto:heatherhazel@eudoramail.com">elki</a>&quot; 
                  Haselkorn</font></p>
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              <p align="right">&nbsp;</p>
              <p align="right">&nbsp;</p>
              <p align="left"> <font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><img src="../../images/letters_new/i.jpg" height="39" align="left">&nbsp; 
                wanted senseless violence, and I got it. No plot, no goal, just 
                kill-or-be-killed fun. In a way I think I'm somewhat ashamed of 
                myself. I pride myself on being compassionate and eschewing violence 
                in all its nasty forms. But my goodness, I love <b>Unreal Tournament</b>! 
                I don't know whether the sudden violent streak is a by-product 
                of my urban upbringing, or whether I was just particularly stressed 
                out, but I had the time of my life in the three hours that I played 
                this game. I've never had such a good time getting my ass kicked.</font></p>
              <p align="left"></p>
              <p align="left"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">To be 
                fair, there is some attempt at a plot, albeit extremely sparse 
                and seemingly tacked on as an afterthought. No-holds-barred fighting 
                is legalized in 2022. The year is now 2341 and I'm a member of 
                a professional fighting league, and my &quot;strength and brutality 
                are legendary.&quot; Woohoo! Whodathunkit? That's about it as 
                far as plot goes. When I picked my character, I chose a black-haired 
                babe--hey, why not be gorgeous and deadly? </font></p>
              <p align="left"></p>
              <p align="left"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">The first 
                thing you have to do though, is play through a tutorial. Have 
                I complained enough about tutorials in my last two columns? Although 
                this wasn't as bad as the tutorial in <b>Half-Life</b> - it only 
                took a few minutes, and it explained a lot of terminology. I guess 
                the elementary level of the explanations might be annoying for 
                a more experienced player, but for someone like me, it was nice 
                to finally have the term &quot;frag&quot; precisely defined. One 
                of the first things I noticed was that I could finally walk! No 
                more motion sickness! Yay! I could now play without fear of barfing 
                on the keyboard. I did notice that it was hard to run and shoot 
                simultaneously, though. I beat Slain, the bot in the tutorial, 
                and moved on to actually play the game.</font></p>
              <p align="left"></p>
              <p align="left"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">Full disclosure 
                once again: I played on the easiest skill level. I promise that 
                next time I'll play on the default difficulty level, but at the 
                time I was still feeling insecure. Okay? I started in single-player 
                mode because I wanted to get used to the game before submitting 
                to an ass-whooping by an actual human. Now, you have to get through 
                a few deathmatches before you can go on to the other parts of 
                the game. And I have to tell you, I almost stopped playing right 
                then and there. What if I'm horrible at deathmatch? Why should 
                I be forced to play it? What if I wanted to move straight into 
                domination or capture the flag? That's not fair! And true to form, 
                I lost a couple of times. </font></p>
              <p align="left"></p>
              <p align="left"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">I lost 
                the first deathmatch because I couldn't see where my opponent 
                was coming from. I didn't frag him once, and I discovered that 
                I couldn't shoot and move at the same time. I had to stop dead 
                in my tracks, aim, and fire, and of course by then I was already 
                dead. I wasn't used to looking around and constantly moving, so 
                I was a pretty easy target. And it didn't help when the bot told 

                me I sucked. Thanks. I'll go slit my wrists now. But I decided 
                to try again. I still lost, but I killed the bot five times. Encouraged, 
                I gave it a third try. What do you know! I won, 10:1! </font></p>
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<p><i><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="-2">Credits: Illustration 
  &copy; 2000 Dan Zalkus. Birth of a Gamer is &copy; 2000 Heather Haselkorn. All 
  other content is &copy; 2000 loonyboi productions. Unauthorized reproduction 
  is prohibited, you cartoonish villian, you.</font></i></p>
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