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      <h5><b><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">//<a href="../../../index.html"><font color="#7C420E">loonygames</font></a>://<a href="../index.html"><font color="#7C420E">issue 
        2.8</font></a>://<a href="index.html"><font color="#7C420E">birth of a gamer</font></a>://<a href="index.php"><font color="#7C420E">1</font></a>, 
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                      <h5><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#0000FF"><i><font color="#904C10" size="2">Birth 
                        of a Gamer: </font></i></font><br>
                        <font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><i><font color="#904C10">Unreal 
                        Tournament - A blow to my ego.</font></i></font><br>
                      </h5>

                      <div align="right"> <font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="-1">By 
                        Heather &quot;<a href="mailto:heatherhazel@eudoramail.com">elki</a>&quot; 
                        Haselkorn</font></div>
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                  <td width="45%" align="right" valign="top"> 
                    <h5 align="right"><b><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#00025E">Vol. 
                      2, Issue 8<br>
                      January 11, 2000</font></b></h5>
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              <p align="left"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><loonystart></font></p>
              
              <p align="right">&nbsp;</p>
              <p align="left"> <font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">From 
                here on all, my previous thoughts about horrible and corruptive 
                mindless video game violence went out the window. Now, I was the 
                game. There was no Heather anymore, just a lean, mean fightin' 
                machine. And I won every deathmatch I played after that. When 
                the game announced that I was on a killing spree, I heartily and 
                gleefully agreed. In fact, when I played through three deathmatches 
                and I was able to switch to domination, I decided I didn't like 
                it. There wasn't enough blood! Not to mention the fact that I 
                really didn't like being on a team. So I went back to playing 
                deathmatch, where it was just me against the Enemy...and I couldn't 
                lose. I didn't care about any of the cheesy background information 
                that the game provided about my opponents or about the levels. 
                All I wanted to do was fight. Please don't remind me that I was 
                only playing on the lowest skill level. I rocked, and I don't 
                care what you say. I have no idea how many more matches I played, 
                but I didn't stop until my wrists hurt. And after winning each 
                match, I shouted and bounced up and down with glee.</font></p>
              <p align="left"></p>
              <p align="left"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">I felt 
                great after all my bloody triumphs. I felt as though nothing and 
                no one could ever possibly beat me. I seemed to have forgotten, 
                though, that I'd only been playing this game for a couple of hours, 
                while most people I seem to come across have been playing games 
                like this for years. Feeling grossly overconfident, I challenged 
                loony to a duel. Maybe it wasn't the biggest mistake of my life, 
                but it was definitely not a smart move. </font></p>
              <p align="left"></p>
              <p align="left"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">First 
                we set up a deathmatch with us and eight bots. I was great whenever 
                I came up against a bot, but good ol' loonyboi got me every time. 
                We then set up a one-on-one deathmatch on a USS Enterprise-like 
                level. I'm proud to say I blasted loony into space a couple of 
                times. And them blasted myself into space a couple more. The match 
                didn't last very long. What was happening? I was so great before! 
                Suddenly my eyes couldn't follow the action on my monitor. Loony, 
                who'd played the game through already, knew all the levels and 
                could find all the best weapons, body armor, and belts before 
                I could even figure out where to look. He'd sneak up on me and 
                start firing, and I was dead before I could even see him. At one 
                point he took pity on me and told me that I should probably pick 
                up some body armor before I start attacking anyone. Duh! Why didn't 
                I think of that before? So I figured out where the body armor 
                was and went for it. Unfortunately, it didn't help very much.</font></p>
              <p align="left"></p>
              <p align="left"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">The worst, 
                I think, was capture the flag. Everyone tells me how much fun 
                CTF is, but I just couldn't do it. Within five minutes loony captured 
                my flag and won the game. Meanwhile, I was still trying to figure 
                out how to give orders to the bots on my team. Have I mentioned 
                yet that I hate playing on teams? </font></p>
              <p align="left"></p>
              <p align="left"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">I don't 
                understand how anybody could become so good at these games. When 
                do you (the hypothetical expert gamer) have the time to practice? 
                I didn't fully realize the difference between playing against 
                bots and playing against a real, very experienced human. I guess 
                playing on the easiest skill level probably didn't help much; 
                how could I not have been good when I was playing against bots 
                who basically stood still? A real person is so much harder to 
                play against, because you can't always guess what moves an experienced 
                player will make. A real opponent moves faster, is smarter, and 
                knows the game much better than any preprogrammed bot. Of course, 
                I didn't think about any of this before I foolishly challenged 
                the most experienced gamer I know. I guess I'll just have to resign 
                myself to the fact that I'm unbelievably, laughably bad at computer 
                games. But I'm sure having a hell of a good time!</font></p>
              <p></p>
              <p></p>
              <p></p>
              <p align="right"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><i>-Heather 
                &quot;<a href="mailto:heatherhazel@eudoramail.com">elki</a>&quot; Haselkorn 
                actually enjoys this.</i></font></p></loonystart>
              <p align="left"></p>
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<p><i><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="-2">Credits: Illustration 
  &copy; 2000 Dan Zalkus. Birth of a Gamer is &copy; 2000 Heather Haselkorn. All 
  other content is &copy; 2000 loonyboi productions. Unauthorized reproduction 
  is prohibited, you cartoonish villian, you.</font></i></p>
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