Shotgun Feelings
TFC Life: A view on the world of TFC in weird and wonderful ways. Take care of your shotgun, you may be hurting it more than you know.
— Deathwish, with images by The Warthog
Everyone takes TFC for granted. Spawn, run around, bang, bang, bang, "yahoo killed him", death, repeat.
But has anyone ever thought about the feelings of TFC itself? How do you know that it doesnt feel pain when
you blast a rocket into a wall (killing yourself in the process) or chuck a grenade down onto the floor?
You don't. Pixels and polygons can have feelings too, y'know!
Let's take a look at what a super shotgun feels. And no, I'm not mad. Well, nearly. Anyway, back to the point.
Say you spawn as a medic. Your shotgun sits all snug in your backpack, hoping that it won't be pressed into use.
Then, the nail gun runs out! It breaks out in a sweat, panicing. Will it be picked out? Will it have to endure
the endless pulls of that trigger that bring tears to its eyes? Will it have to suffer the pain of having
pellets shoved up it and into its guts? Or will the medic choose its little brother, the single-barrelled shotgun.
No! The medic is reaching for the shotgun! Shaking with pure terror, the shotgun reluctantly emerges from the backpack.
It surveys the surroundings. How many people are there? It hopes that there are no players on the other team, and
the user is just testing it. Yes, maybe that is the case! But horror strikes. What was that? An enemy hwguy! No!
The medic starts yanking the trigger furiously. Every pull hurts more and more. The shotgun spits out shell after
shell after shell, each one making it feel more and more paralysing pain.
Finally, its supply of shells runs
out. However, the medic has a large supply just waiting to ram up the poor shotgun, already sobbing with the pain.
Every shell doubles the extortionate pain. Only a freak could endure this pain. Wheezing and sobbing with the pain,
the super shotgun finally gives up, limp and light-headed. The medic puts it back into the backpack, back into the warmth
where it nurses its wounds. Until the next time, the super shotgun is in peace and is happy. Until the next time.
Let this be a lesson to all you evil shotgun sadists. Don't overuse your poor super shotgun. It may be powerful
and can kill an enemy in no time, but you are being evil to it. You bring unnecessary pain into its life,
urging it into that last round of pellets. Just stop and think, the next time you use your super shotgun how it may
feel.
And yes, I am totally stark-raving up-the-creek-and-round-the-bend hat-on-the-wrong-way bonkers.
Until next time...
- DeathWish
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