Hal's Rant-O-Matic©...It's true!
I was trying to sleep in the other morning when I heard the horrible sound of a fossil fuel propelled, gear driven cutting device (chain saw) severing the life flow of a tree. I dressed and hurried from the bedroom, out into the lawn only to find my neighbor cutting down a tree. I gasped in horror and quickly did a count of the remaining trees in my vicinity, only to find myself coming up one short.
I ran over to my neighbor and shouted for him to cease and desist in his killing ways. I said, "Hey, your cutting down my tree!" He stopped cutting and replied that the tree was on his property. I said, "That may be so, but I need that tree, I want that tree." He asked what it was about that particular tree that I was so interested in. I told him I only had 99 trees left, and that the one he was cutting made 100.
He stared at me in that blank, unknowing stare that is always associated with utter disbelief. "Leave me alone freak," he said as he yanked with authority on the chain saw pull cord to start it again. I said, "No, wait, wait! I now realize you are not familiar with the fact that it takes 100 trees to produce enough oxygen for each human being." I was sure it was just an over sight on his part. "If you would care to count with me, you will see that there are only 99 trees left in my area. If you cut that one down, I will be one short." "You are already one short of a full load buddy," he muttered.
He glanced up at the thousand or so trees on the hill a short distance behind our house and asked, "What about all those trees?" "They are all pines," I replied, "They don't give off as much oxygen, and besides, they are to far away. And I have a breathing problem you see?" He looked at me warily, and yelled, "Then you better get away from the fumes of this damn chain saw before you choke to death," and promptly finished cutting down the tree. It was about that time that I saw his son throwing a pail of water out of the back door of their house. I screamed at him, "What are you doing with my water??" That's how I learned what it felt like to be chased by a chain saw wielding mad man...
I was arrested for inciting a riot, my neighbor was arrested for destroying the natural habitat of a Bald Eagle, and the son was arrested for contaminating the ground water with chemicals, (Bleach water from soaking his head in a bucket to lighten his hair color.) The injustice of it all.....
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