Hal's Rant-O-Matic©...Real stuff
Good morning. Second cup of coffee and out of cream. What is worse, no coffee at all or no cream for your coffee? So I had to open a Pepsi to drink with my last coffee to make it last longer. Coffee and Pepsi. I have heard of worse combinations. Like peanut butter and bananas, after drinking huge quantities of beer, just before ingesting Spaghetti with sausage and pepperoni and meat balls...... The ceramic alter was paid it's proper tribute that day needless to say.
One of my buddies happened to mention he liked the Rant-O-Matics. Little did he know he might someday become the object of one of them. Dorf, the shower was wet and there are no guarantees! This of course leads me into one of my favorite subjects, complaining about how people react to us construction workers sometimes. Like the woman who asked if I couldn't pound a little quieter with my hammer because I was disturbing her customers. (As a side note, all her customers were other woman who's incessant yapping under the hair dryers in the beauty saloon could drowned out any piece of equipment I envisioned using.) I told one of the guys to go out in the van and get a silenced hammer out for me. I knew I must have one, because I have every other tool in the world ever made. And if the obviously well educated woman suggested that I could pound quieter, then by god, I knew I could do just that.
My helper returned from the van with the only thing that fit the description of a silenced hammer that he could find, which in fact was nothing more than a rubber mallet. I told him that was not my silenced hammer. That is my rubber mallet, and I only use it when I want to pound softly, not quietly. My silenced hammer comes in a kit along with various electronic noise cancelling devices and speaker system, and a roll of duct tape. (What good is a tool without duct tape?) I don't get the silenced hammer out much as I have the electronics wired up to the van to cancel out the noise it makes from me removing the entire exhaust system to bring my gas milage up to seven miles per gallon. So I get the twelve thousand dollar silenced hammer out (and you thought the government was the only one who spent a lot on hammers) and all set up. It of course works as it was designed, meaning it creates a canceling sound wave the opposite of what the hammer makes, thus cancelling out the original sound.
Around quitting time, the boss shows up, and is intercepted by the woman who complained about us making to much noise earlier. After talking to the boss a while, he comes in and asked us what we did all day because the woman said we hadn't done a thing all day. She knew this to be true because she hadn't heard any noise out of us since that morning. I explained to the boss we had some trouble with the silenced hammer. For some reason it cancelled out all the noises we made, including normal conversation, making it difficult to communicate seeing as we had to write down everything we said in order to make each other understood. That worked fine until one of the guys, (who incidently couldn't read or write) wanted to tell a joke. So we spent the rest of the day playing charades. It was a long joke.
People most of the time don't realize, us construction workers have it just as hard as they do, even with us inconveniencing their lives. I was on a scaffold, spreading some drywall compound on a soffit in a Walmart just before it opened once, and these two guys in business suits walked under me and just stood right there while I was working. To be polite, I waited a few seconds to see if they would move on so as not to disrupt the construction process. I did have a dead line for completion after all. But no, they just stood there talking about their speeches they were going to give to the "associates". (They don't call them employees at Walmart you see.) Finally I said the hell with it and continued on with my work. Even as carefull as I was, I of course dropped a little mud on the shoulder of one of the 'suits'. He looked up at me, I looked down at him.... I said, " You guys really must find a way to keep those birds from getting in from the outdoor lawn and garden department."
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Not ready for prime time. Some like them, some don't. So if you want to take a look at the latest ranting of the on staff raving lunitic, you will have to come here.
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